Thus far I have come!!!

The 16th of July 2011

Thus far I have come

I look back to the year that began on levels below sea level

To where I am now

I am not yet at the peak of my mountain

But atleast I am not drowning

I can see where I have come from

My vision is clearer

My heart is lighter

Thus far I have come

Its Ebenezer

The devil crashed me

Swayed me right left and centre

But here I stand

Not to boast of thus far I have come

But to bless God for lifting me up

He has carried me like a baby

Fed me, clothed me

Wrapped me with love

This is not my Canaan

My land of milk and honey is nigh

I am conquering cities in His name

Lord...I thank you so much

I look back without regrets

All the pain and the tears surely do count in Your presence

I claim that which is not as if it is

Faith as small as mustard you honour

Obedience that is better than sacrifice

Fresh aroma of worship belongs to you Yahweh

I can testify that because of THE GREAT I AM

I stand to witness this day.

Taste and see that my Lord is good..

......In His own timing, He worketh things for the good of those that love Him.

Set me free

I am a fugitive

I keep running and running

I am scared of who I have become

I am wrecked, I am tattered

My life has cracks

My walls are completely destroyed

My temple lies in ruins

My temple is filthy

No room for the King

For how many men have walked over me

How many have had the pleasure of deflowering me

I let myself too loose

Nothing worthy about me

I am your rebound woman, your doormat, your pick-up girl

I am your second option

My reflection in the mirror kills me, haunts me

Sunday’s sermons crash me

Heard the pastor say that my body is the temple of God

And I looked at my cleavage, my miniskirt

My 6inch boots and I thought……no!!!!I carry no image of God.

I swam in alcohol for that gave me self worth

You see in my world self worth for a min is worth the minute of fame

For each morning I awake,

I find a stranger next to me

And it breaks me…

Well, I am running

Running away from an unworthy husband.

A husband who seems not to care

I find solace in the intern employee in my company

He is more caring, my daughter’s age, he has got the stamina

He knows how to rock my world

But each time I see my children

It breaks my heart to see their hope and faith in me

Yet I am a failed wife and mother

I have broken the sanctity of marriage, the confidence in myself and more so I have lost the intimacy with my Lord

I am caged

I am a prisoner of my own world

Well, I try so hard but not hard enough

I trash women like the plastic soda bottles we trash around

I am stuck in my dark cell room

I have done it all…..sex, greed, lust and women/men

I have had threesomes, foursome…..manysomes

I have masturbated,

I have attended orgies

I have changed the women like bedsheets

I have shuffled them like poker cards

I have defiled bodies, broken hearts

I have done it all

What have I left????any treasure???

My penis, my vagina….is like uhuru park

Public property where people do as they please

Or more so, Jevanjee Gardens; Uhuru Park is far well of class

Well, my heart is hurtless, cold and numb

My mind is gone

My conscious is dead!!!!

I am my own prisoner

I wanna run away from me

I want to start all over again

But how???when everyone has branded me

The devil knows me by name

I want out

Out of this misery, lifelessness,hopelessness,numbness,carelessness

LORD I WANT OUT!!!!

It is painful to be me

It is pointless attempting

For my wrecked life is like a magnet

LORD I NEED TO BE FREE

You alone can set me free

It’s been a slow fade…a lost walk in the park

Help me see that I am covered with your fingerprints Lord

Bring out the elegance, the purity, the wisdom you set in me

I am a master-piece of God

But now I am a wrecked sketchy image of me

Lord set me free

Release me from my bondages

I want life and life in abundance

I want out of this life!!!

UNCHAIN ME, I WANT TO START ALL OVER FATHER

 

 

 

God is the potter and we are the clay.He is never too busy, in fact He came for people like us. The drunkards, the prostitutes, the confused, the low, the wreckless….He came for you and me. I don’t care how the devil keeps reminding you of the filth, the power in Jesus’ blood is able to make us white as snow. Remember the adulterous woman caught in the act: Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.NO ONE DID. Why??for we are all sinners. Then Christ told the woman, “Neither do I condemn you, GO AND SIN NO MORE” John 8

Here’s your chance today, in your weakness, God is your strength. Don’t try being good, that never works. We need Jesus. the name above all other names. Believe with your heart and confess with your mouth. That’s what salvation is all about.

He who has the Son, has life and he is set free!!!!That is the only way out my dear.

I found my way out of my prison, have you been freed???

Stop listening to the devil and stop running away from the truth.

Be ye separate and set free.

 

*I have been there and I got out…..so can you my friend.

 

With love,

Let’s go back to our first creator, our God!!!

 

Jeremy Camp expresses it well: Would you take the nails from His hands?? The depth of His grace, every sin erased…He knew His calling and fulfilled it for US ALL

*** Heart matters

Heart matters do hurt at times

Sometimes my heart speaks in tongues

Languages I cannot decode

At times it dances to the music I cannot hear

To genres I do not like

My heart skips beats,

Such skips will kill me someday

It’s a fight I cannot resist

What do I do with this thoughts of you

What do I do with my heart’s language that some find it complex

I wish there was a school for the language of love

If the wizards can have a school<well, Harry Potter messed up my reality world>

Then the language of the heart should have been researched upon, should have had a curriculum

But the most complex language has no manual

My heart would love to….

To dance with his heart…

To listen to his heart..

To lay by your heart

What would his heart do when my heart sought his

Does he recognize it’s a hunger, a craving that only him can feel

I’d love you to need me

To have you all the time

To talk to you

To stand by your side

To be one with you

I would love to…

And so much more

But, the music playing is in my world only

The genre is not his heart’s liking

Heart matters hurt.

Somebody once told me…."you are an awesome woman but I am afraid to hurt you"

So I keep dancing to my own tune

May be his heart will listen to the voice in the wind

Like the august rush movie

His heart needs to hear and see the orchestra playing

Above all he needs to feel the music.

When you feel it, you dance to it forever.

Maybe someday, I will be on the dance floor with you.

The experience that was

First and foremost this experience would not have been a reality had Jagdee not tagged me on an Africa Cancer Foundation picture and given me the link to apply for the volunteer position in this foundation. Thank you Jagdee aka Denis Mugambi (I know you’ll see this )

Africa Cancer Foundation was launched at Laico Regency on the 12th of July 2011 and I was part of this great vision of making Africa a cancer free continent and creating awareness and prevention as pertains to Cancer. The vision was conceived and eventually hatched before the whole world and now the growth begins. This is the real work to making a dream come true for cancer victors, Kenya and Africa.

This is not one of those cliché volunteers that you avail yourself due to joblessness or with the aim of buying time. I have lost 5 relatives to cancer and yet if you ambushed me in the street about cancer, I would have been clueless….blank like an unwritten page but not anymore.

Africa Cancer Foundation taught me great life lessons that made me a better woman and above all Knowledge is power….I too got empowered. I got to realize in my own personal way I will empower other people and in the process save a life……touch a soul…..comfort a heart…..strengthen somebody out there.

Cancer is real. Cancer is here. If you are not affected, you are infected. We are involved in one way or another. Did you know that most African females suffer from cervical and breast cancers while most men suffer from lung, prostrate, oesophagus etc. type of cancers. In every part of your body from head to toe, exists a type of cancer.

Cancer begins in cells, the building blocks that make up the tissues which make up the organs. Any abnormal activity in cell growth is usually attributed to cancer because when new cells are formed and old ones are not depleted, these extra cells can form masses of tissue called a growth or tumor. It is important to go for tests and screening once one discovers any unusual growths. The earlier the cancer is detected the faster it can be cured.

So where am I getting with all this??All these facts are on the net. In this “click” generation, we have information at our tips but what next????!!!! Here’s the way forward:

>> Let’s love our bodies and take good care of them. Eat well and exercise. Avoid the puff, it is not healthy. That puff will and is killing you slowly. Drop the alcohol too. Eat a lot of vegetables, fruits and drink lots of water.LOVE YOUR BODY!!!!You are your own caretaker

>> Take that step and go to the hospital when you notice abnormalities in your body and its functioning. Do not brush off any symptom, I know this is every Kenyan’s attitude. “Nothing is ever too serious” mentality is a no no attitude.

>> Research and read wide about cancer and do not sit on such knowledge. pass it on through your emails, over a coffee date, through blogs, tweet them etc.….You will be empowering somebody else and only through empowerment can Kenya realize its visions

>> Be that shoulder for that cancer victim or survivor. They need us through the chemotherapy, the radiology sessions, through the adverse side effects of the treatment, through the whole journey. You could be their strength….walk with them. Sometimes this is the only strength one needs.

>>Donate () to various Cancer initiatives. There is Africa Cancer Foundation http://africacancerfoundation.org  Hope for the cancer kids  http://hope4cancerkids.org  Google them and you’ll find them. You can even offer to pay for the patients the NHIF membership subscription Ksh1920 annually.

>> Do not forget to pray for them for there is power and hope in prayer and where two or three agree on earth, so it is in heaven. Believe in prayer with them.

 

Thank God for his little mercies everyday and take them not for granted. Bless your God when you have no medical bills or hair falling off. bless your God when you are fit to carry on with your daily living.Thank Him.

To all the cancer victors out there, I salute you all for your strength.

The most important thing in illness is never to lose heart.  ~Nikolai Lenin

I salute you Hon. Nyong’o , Tetich Sambu, Baby Alex(get well soonest), Mbugua Kamau, Doris Mayoli, Francis Kariuki, Pamela Dede, Ferdinand Mwangura among many more. I salute you all.

To all those who went to be with the Lord, you fought a good fight Aunty Mary, Aunty Lynnette, Aunty Beatrice and Uncle Herman amongst others.

I sign off in the words of Princess, a cancer victor, a young girl who speaks with so much hope and strength: “Doctors cure but God heals”

 

Lets kick Cancer out of Africa like we did Ebola

God bless and dare to be different.

 

We can because we care.

 

 

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/family-nutrition/anticancer/12-dietary-changes-will-lower-your-cancer-risk

http://www.helpguide.org/life/healthy_diet_cancer_prevention.htm

http://cancer.about.com/od/cancerlistaz/a/typesofcancers.htm

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/alphalist

Wrap me Lord

I am at that corner

That dark corner in my life

When my heart is thirsting for more

My tears are flowing

My burble has burst

My corner has been my comfort zone

My world, my small home

Until the Lord exposed me

Naked I stood between who I am and who I used to be

The battle that I refused to face

Have you ever found yourself in the right battle but the wrong battlefield??

When you have to make life changing cut throat decisions

When all your life its been about the whole world and never you

Busy restructuring broken walls

But never rebuilding your own temple?

I am not satisfied with where I am

I need to push myself

I have to lose things/ people I loved to become a better woman as God intended

I know God cares

His faithfulness, wisdom, and strength I doubt not

But I am scared of the stairway

Scared of taking the first step of the journey

I am afraid of the scorn

I am afraid of the unknown

Anyone out there dancing to this tune??

Or at least nodding ones head to this beat!!!

I am scared yet I know this is the path I must take

Its been several months of fighting the battle within

Until God had this to say:

Be still Bev and know that I am God. I am the still voice in your heart. I am the banner over your head. I hold your world in mine hands. Draw close my dear, closer than before. Closer than you have ever been. I will wrap you in my arms and you’ll come forth as gold. Pure gold Bev. Trust my wisdom through this times….Let the world scorn you, let them be separate from you…let them run…for in your solitude, you are not alone. I abide in You. Hold me close my child, and I will reveal the secrets that only kings search out.

 

So lord, this is my prayer …..Take me to that secret place. the places I have never been and wrap me in your arms lord…Hold me in your arms..kiss me in your arms….soothe me in your arms Lord…guide me in your arms…speak to me on your laps Lord….wrap me to the place of shelter and safety Lord….wrap me in your arms Father.

For there’s nothing as your presence Lord!!!

There are times you have to risk all it takes….the shame, pain, friends etc. to see the King. I am risking all these by following your wisdom Lord. It may not make sense to many now, but someday it will.

Wrap me in your arms Lord and never let me go Father. You are my rainbow Daddy.

Worship that takes you to that place

AGAG!!!! Spare him not!!!!

Good morning!!! Its yet another day to rejoice and conquer cities by the power of the Holy Spirit. Well, each blog has its piece of wisdom by God's grace. Today's word is one that needs you my reader to read carefully, refer to your Bible and definitely apply it in our daily living. I want to share something I learned:)

Let me take you back to the time when the Israelites were still in the desert on their way to the promised land under the authority of Moses. It was the first time after Egypt that the Israelites were engaging themselves to war against the famous Amalekites. Exodus 17:8-16 records that as long as Moses hands were held high up, Israelites kept winning in this battle. But when Moses grew tired and he let down his hands, then the Amalekites conquered. However, when all was said and done, the Israelites emerged victorious.

Now take note of verse 14 of the above scripture. God told Moses to write this down as a memorial, as evidence in future. The Lord swore to utterly blot out the remembrance of the Amalekites from under heaven You can imagine when the creator says blot out!!!He means exactly that. He is not man that He should lie. When you flip the pages of your Bible to Deuteronomy 25:17-19 it is recorded that the Lord promised the Israelites that when they shall find rest, that is, when they have their land of inheritance the Lord shall give them the power to BLOT OUT THE AMALEKITES!!!

Now this background is important to understand the doings of God as per the power of God's words!!!

Then guess what!!! The era of Moses ends, the era of Joshua begins. His ends too and God takes us through the story of Ruth and Naomi...remember that one in which Boaz becomes part of the royal lineage ....the genealogy of Christ. Imagine in all this, nothing like Amalekite vibe is buzzing around the Israelites. Then comes the era of Samuel and Saul. Saul is Israel's first King!!(background checks very important)

Jehovah instructed Samuel to instruct King Saul to go attack the Amalekites and utterly destroy all that they have. Nothing was to be spared be it man, woman, infant,ox or what not. 1 Samuel 15

So Saul prepared for war, gathered his men and set out to conquer the Amalekites. Then guess what??!!! Saul destroyed the people. But not as to detail as the Lord wanted. When an army commander gives an order, it is followed to the latter without question or reservations. But Saul so it fit to spare King Agag of the Amalekite people and also reserved the best fat lambs oxen and other animals. He chose to destroy everything that was worthless but he spared all that was good Well, human nature is prone to do exactly this you know.

However, God was pissed at Saul for not adhering to the orders and instructions given unto him. Saul justified himself by claiming that all the best fattened animals that he did not slay he meant to sacrifice to the God of Israel.

This sounded like a viable excuse(i mean put yourself into Saul's shoes{perhaps sandals is more appropriate to this era} for a second.)I like the Lord's response and I quote: Has the Lord a great delight in burnt offerings than in obeying His voice??Behold, it is better to OBEY that to SACRIFICE, and to HEED than the FAT OF RAMS. for REBELLION IS AS SIN OF WITCHCRAFT,STUBBORNNESS IS AS INIQUITY AND IDOLATRY.

Whoa!!!!pause!!!digest that for a second!!!Heavy words I must say. God equates rebellion to witchcraft. To God, disobedience is that serious. One would think after such heavy words, Saul would repent in sack cloth, fast and pray....and voila!!! God says: Okay Saul...I have heard your cry and your forgiven. BUT NO, GOD DID NOT!!! In fact, He went on to inform Saul that because he rejected His word, God has rejected him as king!!! I kid you not, because of disobedience that was the end of Saul's reign and the birth of David's reign....

Saul failed to blot out the amalekites by preserving King Agag!!! A promise that God had promised Moses was to be fulfilled by Saul but he...well....underperformed so to say. Eventually, Saul died by the sword of the Amalekites.

Now bear with me to where I am heading, my point is nigh. During the reign of king Xerxes in the Book of Esther, Haman was a threat to the existence of Jews yet he was the 2nd most powerful man in the kingdom politically. Now, Haman was an Amalekite, a descendant of King Agag that Saul failed to destroy.Haman was determined to kill the Jews in the land.

<< Breathe....digest.....>>

The destiny of the Amalekites was to end with Saul but it did not due to disobedience. The consequence of this disobedience is that Queen Esther had to face the very thing her ancestor Saul could have handled. In addition it was even an amalekite who eventually killed Saul.

My dear, SPARE NOT YOUR KING AGAG!!!! God may be instructing you to deal with your weaknesses or your strongholds right now. Face them head on. Stop sparing Agag or he will plot to kill you later on. Heed his voice for He already conquered your agag on the cross. The promise is there, all God wants us is to Slay agag and his entire village. You must deal with your enemy now or else your children will face the same struggles and demons that you ran away from. The enemy always has the stamina to hit back and to bounce back. That's why God instructs as to blot them out. It is that serious. let's not joke with the devil in his market place, he will eventually consume us to death.

In this whole teaching,it is wise for us to note that what we don't eradicate when we are strong, will come back to us when we are weak. i just wanted to encourage somebody that it is better to be found on the goodside of God's books than to be blacklisted. When God speaks, we hearken to His voice. Where we entertain an agag, don't think twice!!!SLAY AGAG. SPARE NOT HIS LINEAGE. BLOT HIM OUT OF EXISTENCE THAT YOU MAY OBTAIN FAVOR BEFORE GOD AND FIND DELIGHT IN YOUR DESTINY


#I hope you are encouraged, and you've had a chance to open your Bible and learn scriptures that are full of life:)

be blessed and remember.....no more Amalekites, we are totally BLOTTING THEM OUT:)

Lessons learnt

I have regrets in my life....too many I must say

Some are still in the closet,

Struggling to have a peek outside

There are chances I threw away

There are mistakes I have made....grave ones I'm afraid to speak of

There are signs I chose not to see on life's road

There are some roads I never should have followed

Some journeys I never should have embarked on

I know!!! Well, then I did not

But now, I see...I know

There are hearts I have hurt

Some I have murdered for lack of a better word

Wish some things would have gone unsaid

Wish I would write some of my pages all over again

Or some white wash would do..

No!!!I think those pages need to be shredded

Some starts should have had a better ending

Pages have been turned

Bridges have been burnt

But lessons have been learned through all this

I am grateful for every blonde moment in my life

For every mistake I have made

For every stray word I have let loose

For every tear I have shed

For every failure with my name tag

For every disappointment I have caused

For every heart I have grieved

For I have learned through all this

I am now polished and refined from my past

I have moved on past the regrets

For lessons have been learnt

Through the lessons

I am changing my 'future history' so to speak

I am writing lovelier encounters that bring me joy

I am creating a beautiful life portfolio

For lessons have been learnt.

quit looking back Pick the lessons, forge ahead

Pause.....then...play

He woke up and ran the world

He conquered the roads with his arrogance on his newly acquired range rover sport

Rainy as the day was

He gave the pedestrians the wash of their lives

They in-turn gave him the worst of their words

He got to his workplace

And the terror in the eyes of the employees was evident

His arrogance ruled the air

His words were unforgettable

For he did not speak in the common man's language

He hurled, howled, barked at the people

Invisible scars he created

He flashed his blackberry around

He only picked the calls that mattered to him

The affluent, the business partners

Only such were the V.I.P's...very important persons

I like to call them the very insignificant persons as far as life is concerned

Well, to him, money is life!!!

In time, his friends got tired of the devil in him

Even his mother warned him of such pride

But his head was too big for the world

His pocket too sumptuous for the Nairobi ladies

And he ruled the city

Ruled the hearts of women, at least through the sheets only

He despised the 'lowly' and trampled on them

He had the fans, never the friends

This reminded me of the Psalmist's prayer

Who asked God not to make him poor that he may steal from others

Or too rich that he may forget his God

Well, in this life

Give man power and riches

You will know his true colors

Pause and stop

Pause and think

think about your character

Is your neighbor, your university friends or your colleagues your fellow humans

Or are they your pets

Unworthy of respect

Is that woman or lady your rebound or when you call her 'love' you understand the meaning of love

When you text her baby, send her pics

Do you pause and think

When you get your paycheck do you care to give God his dues

the 10% tithe

Or is that the miscellaneous budget allocation??

When you drive your Prado, your Vitz, or you work on your 'feetstubishi"

Do you mind those you pass by??

Do you ever pause and play

When you get that job you've earnestly prayed for

Do you remember He who blessed you??

Do we ever pause??

We are ever on play backs

We need to pause, think then play on our life systems

For whatever we do

It will catch up with us with time

God resists the proud

At times i think we are thinking materially,

The houses, the money, the women, the men, the cars, the recognition

You name it

The end justifies the means

Yet I am speaking the spiritual, the eternal

Character worth His presence

The world offers shadows that we want to catch

Yet when the light is turned on, the shadows vanish

Remember character is much easier kept than recovered

Pause.......

Think......

Then Play.....




This is to all the graduates who are beginning new lives. Learn all you can and be leaders of integrity, be faithful friends, be best fathers and mothers and be exemplary wives and husbands. Don't make stories and headlines in blogs, in the media, or in sermons the wrong way!!!Be your own unforgettable legend despite the evils of this age!!!

He Go Go

I woke up very early with a dance in my heart and the faith of ten thousands of men. Yesterday is gone, today has come. You'd better rejoice in the blessing of today and forget the troubles of yesterday.

Remember the God of Joshua who led the Israelite into victory against the Jebusites, Hittites, Amorites and Perizites and all the -ites...He is the same God today. He will grant you victory over your Jebusites. They may seem victorious but the battle is not yours its the Lord.

Remember the Lord on the cross who said it is finished...well, He meant exactly that. Deafen your ears to the devil who reminds of your weakness and forge on with confidence for you have obtained mercy and found favor.

Remember the God of Esther, who took a mere Jew before King Xerxes...well, your favor will take you before kings. Your anointing will fulfill His purpose.

Remember Joseph,no one will stop your dream. Your dream will be your destiny. They may not see the "dream you", you'll hurt but stand firm. He who began the good work in you will bring it to completion.

The God of Ruth and Naomi. He will link you to people of purpose and connect you in miraculous ways that people will say his God is a God of His word!!!!

Remember the God of Abraham, He will do the extraordinary and He will be faithful to the latter. Stay faithful to Him only.

Remember David. His God looked at his heart and not his outward. He made him king, granted Him success and even when he failed and repented earnestly His God listened.

Remember the God of Elijah, of Zechariah, of Hannah.....Read your Bible to know the power of your King!! Dine with Him over a meal of His word, a cup of prayer and an aroma of worship.

So my dear, this song gave me energy and syke and reminded me that I am much more. He go go butter me bread, sugar me tea, clothe my body, shelter my head and so much more!!! You have the King of kings in you, live like royalty. If the princes and the princess of this world know how to speak like kings, walk like queens.....How much more should we of eternal royalty live??

Swag like a daughter and a son of the Most High. Reign, rule and take over cities. Doesn't the Lord give wealth to His people?? If you are an employee, be an exemplary one. Be a quintessential employer, an ideal intern, a meritorious lover, an admirable parent, a true to form and type kind of friend and a praiseworthy human being!!!

Have a first class royal day my dear!!!

THANK YOU!!!

The old men say: kindness is the language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see

A donkey has no gratitude

Well since I ain't any donkey

I wish to relay my heartfelt sincere gratitude to all the followers of this blog

To all those who take time to read my thoughts

Make an extra effort to locate a computer since their phones can't access this

Pay an extra cent to surf and read my writings

Go out of their way to link this blog on Facebook or twitter

Or even forward this to a friend's e-mail

For all those who believe in me and encourage me to keep writing

For the lives blessed, I thank God

He's my thoughts, my brain

So all this words here, ain't me its Jesus

So as I mark my 6months of serious blogging

And 116 posts to that :-)

With 131 comments from various followers

2608 page views!!!! WHOA!!!!

I am humbled, greatly

"Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu" goes an African saying

This means a person is a person because of other people

I am who I am today because of you my reader

Your devotion pushes me to greater limits

Whoever does not thank for little will not thank for much

I would love to thank you from the bottom of my heart

But then again for such priceless readers,

My heart has no bottom

For You Lord, I can't stop thanking you each day

Because of You, I am.

No duty is more urgent than this to me

My dear reader

thank you very much, gracias, merci beacoup, kongoi kapsaa, nasima sana sana,asante,

cheers, poa poa!!!

Shakespeare taught me well and I will echo his words:

I can no other answer make, but, thanks and thanks

God will hem your blessings for taking time to grace my blog with your presence.

THANK YOU!!!!VERY MUCH

I love each and every one of you.