Just one Lord...Just one

If I could just have one request before God

I would not hesitate

If I would meet God face to face

If He could join me on the floor one more time

If He could see my tears, every night

I would not hesitate

This I ask of you Lord

I would not hesitate to ask for healing of body, mind and soul

10 years on, the prayer has not changed into a testimony

My words have changed to tears

Lord if not for me...or him

For your glory Lord, please

Lord if I find favour in your sight, please

Hear my cry

For my heart is faint

I cannot bear the "it shall be well anymore"

I cannot stand the thought that I have not moved from where I have been Lord

10 years seeking, searching...looking unto You

Lord if I find favour in your sight

Lord, Lord, please

Before my heart grows thin Lord

For your glory Lord, I ask of you

Just one thing Lord do I seek of You

That you may turn my tears into joy

That You may turn my mourning into joy

Just one more time Lord

10 years is a long time Lord, to be on the waiting list.

Not for me or him,  but if not, for Your glory Lord.

**Image Courtesy.

Your Grace Held Mama

I do not know how Lord

We survived the 10 plagues for sure!

The kind of struggles that no man can understand

As we have grown in a generation where our problems are 'haves and have nots' scenarios

Not flesh and spirit wars

But in the silence and in the tears

You made a way, that's why I can type this Lord

How we did survive

How we did not die

How we faltered but hang on

Your grace was strong enough

Strong enough to hold us and pick us up

Lord is Lord

Because of You Lord,  Mama held on

She called on the heavens

As there is nothing impossible

You parted the Red Sea

You cause walls to fall

You held Daniel in the Lion's den

You raised Your Son from the dead

Is there anything impossible with you?

With your power, Mama held us Lord

Your grace held Mama

And we are here...

Only because you made a way for us

Sometimes all weather access roads

But we passed through it

Sometimes created moments of oasis

And quenched our thirst

Sometimes, You came down literally

Do not know how

But Lord I am forever grateful

Do not why!

But Lord I am grateful

Because of your grace Lord, Mama kept on.

I am forever grateful Lord Jesus

Always.

Now Mama smiles, not because it is over, but because of Your grace and faithfulness.

After This

Ever been cornered by life?

And squashed like an insect by life

Well, we know how scary dark corners are

No one likes seeing crawling things in the dark

Even when we feel alone and scared

I believe there will always be an after this moment

There will be light after this

There will be joy after this

Yes it does not look like there is ever going to be an 'after this'

But God is there after this.

No matter what I am going through there is and there will always be glory coming after this.

So there will be peace

There will be comfort

There will be greater anointing

There will be character formation

There will be provision

There will be a way

Some form of light

Yes there will be an after this

I shall look back and say

The dark corner was worth it Lord

He will move and make a way

For that's my God

First time, second time, third time, 99th time, 10000000th time, nth time

There will be an after this.

For He is God.

He is my God

And there will be glory after this.

It's a Crippled Heart

One thing you cannot hide is a crippled heart. When you are crippled inside, it is hard to feign a smile, and  casually reply the famous " I'm fine" to every hello that you come across. It is very hard, well for me, to dress up, doll up and pretend that all is well. To double tap posts and ignore the pain, to pick calls and pretend to be in a whole different world.

A crippled heart, is a pained heart. But pain's like water, I read somewhere.  It must find a way to push through any seal. There's no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface.

That's just how the heart deals with pain.

The kind of pain that lips whisper words to plead with heaven for healing

The sort of pain that makes one wail in pain

The sort of pain that embraces ones hurt, the ones we love to call bear hugs

The sort of pain that causes one to curl up and snuggle in ones misery

Too careful to let anyone in

Lest we expose the wound to the wind

And who loves double pain!

Sadly, that is the pain I feel.

Heaven knows I need a kiss!

A kiss so warm, so rich

A reassurance and a ray of hope

I need the voice of heaven, of God

That in my weakness, He makes me strong

That in my pain, I can soak in His love

That with my tears, He can kiss me with joy

Joy that cometh in the morning

That in quietness and trust, I shall find faith

That in my doubt, He shall hold my hand to walk on water

Is there anything too hard for my Lord?

Where does my help come from?

So allow me to soak, and soak till I can soak no more

I need to allow myself to go through the process

Does He not bottle my tears? Are they in vain?

When my prayers are dry, shall I not anchor my soul in His promises?

Shall I not find strength in His promises?

Peace Be Still. Peace Be Still oh my soul.

The Lord shall fight for me, for me!

He shall comfort me!

He shall quieten my storm

He shall take my crippled heart and by His love restore my soul

How else shall I remember His goodness?

Through my pain, I see God

I will not be scared of my pain

I will not be scared to let it out in tears

I will not be scared to sit in silence

I will not be scared to say I believe in the same God who brings joy and the same who delays the same

For He is God. He is God. He is God.

I am me.

His child, at His feet.

Till he speaks, I shall be at His feet.

But at least He knows it hurts a lot!

This Man Called Brian

Let me start with this Great man called Jesus

Who made this brave man called Brian

And placed him in this family

And predestined his purpose

He formed him in his mother's womb

He knew the right parents for him

He knew why he placed him as second born

He gave him a great mind

A warm character

An infectious smile

A kind heart

A tough spirit

This great man named Jesus breathed life into this brave man called Brian

He breathed Himself into Brian

Brian is the kind of person to fight on

Never giving up

Always encouraging others even when he needs more encouragement than we do

For 7 years, he has not lived a normal life

He has been on drugs, in and out of hospital

But this man called Brian, has never stopped fighting

His heart may be discouraged once in a while

Maybe he cries on his pillow at night- I would not know

But he is flesh and blood- 100% human

It is understandable to give in considering that life moves on despite our seasons

I mean he had dreams- great dreams

And sometimes it is discouraging to look back 7 years ago

However, this day...

I want to applaud this man called Brian

For when it was right to give up,  he held on

When it was time to forget God, he trusted

When it was time to rebel, he humbled himself

Glory to Glory is the path for this young man

For the greatest man Jesus holds this brave man in His arms

He fuels his heart

He calms his spirit

He revives his brain day in day out

I want to celebrate the Greatest man Jesus for it would have been worse

Thank you Jesus for only you could keep it together for Brian.

I also want to salute Brian- for your strength is admirable

Nothing happens by Chance.

God will restore all the years the locust has destroyed.

We have trampled over snakes and scorpions through Jesus

We shall walk in the land of the living Brian

God is never late, He is always on time.

I say....This man called Brian

Is like no other!

Love Me...Know Me

Dear Bev,

I walk over the earth. Searching for one to call my own

I am not in the wind my dear,

Neither am I on the streets

I am the Still voice when you are all alone

Naked and ashamed

I am the hush voice begging you to let go

I am the one who holds you tight

Searching for You

Longing for you to hear me

All i need is for you to Love me

To do so with your whole heart

To serve me, with your all life

To seek me, with your everything

To let go of the altars you have created

To forget the distance between the altar and the door

That though it tarry, it is coming

I cry out in the silence

Longing for you to give it all to me

Love me with your all

Crush the gods that have created a kingdom in your life

Call upon my Helper to fight the battles for you.

When were these battles fought by blood and sweat and won?

My Child,

Be still and know that I stand for you.

I love you,

Even before you were born

I loved you with my tears, with my sweat

With my blood, with my life

That you may live Bev

Hold on, Hold on.

I will Rise

Rock Bottom, they call it

When you hit your lowest and you would love to rise,

There seems no strength in you to rise

Rise to your dream's path

Rise to your calling and to your purpose

When all you see is a dim light ahead

And sometimes it gets pitch black

Rock bottom, i have found myself in

Jesus, I need to rise

I need to live

For what is it for me to gain the whole world and lose my soul

I have lost indeed.

Lord, i want to rise as you have risen

I need to glorify your name

To know not the end of your kingdom

No power can stand against You Lord

Lord Lift me Up

I want to testify your goodness Lord

Lift Me up Lord

I want to rise like Christ was lifted up.

I want to live beyond my human body form

Lord, I want to Rise.

I want to live in You.

Finding My Window

I hope the days come easy Lord

I hope life gets bearable

I hope when the doors keep shutting on my face

When the darkness is overwhelming

When all seems cold outside

I hope I keep walking Lord

Till I find my window Lord

Show me the comfort of Heaven Lord

Teach me the peace that surpasses human understanding

Walk with me Lord

As I trample on scorpions and snakes

As the stormy seas wage war Lord

May I find your grace with every step Lord

More than anything Father

May I find my window of hope

May I find you Lord amidst all these Father

Till then Lord

I keep walking

Till the battle ends

Till the light shines

Till I testify Lord.


*This post is an encouragement to my family. We have fought numerous battles, but we keep walking till we find our window. Jehovah sees, Jehovah knows and one day Brian shall be 100% well and have a normal life....Till Then Jesus...Till Then.

You Were There

I wonder how it felt when Peter walked on water for the first time

I wonder how it felt for Moses to address the Israelites while stammering

I wonder how it felt to see the Red Sea part

How did David feel when he faced Goliath

Did he shrink....did his heart beat faster

Did he know You were there

I wonder how it must have felt when David faced the enemies

You were there, You were there

You are there when the fight seems so hard

You are always there.

So I will stand upon the hill

Face my goliath

Because I know sovereignty has bigger plans for me

You are there in the amidst of the unclear

When things do not make sense

When I see my enemies on both sides

When my tears are my pillow

When I am between thick and thick

So I will hang on

For on the Cross you chose me

For every whip, for every tear

So I will trust you Lord

For you are always here.

When sickness thrives

When families are at the briedge of divorce

When school fees is scarce

When there is no way out

When the Devil is always here

You will always be there

When we go hungry

When we are broken Lord

Through it all,

You will always be there.

You promised Lord.

Till the end of time.

So I will hold on tight Lord.

So tight.

Amen.

Don't Try so Hard

Another day comes

And you just want to breathe

But you want to push on and shine

Shine brighter

So we keep on pushing harder and harder

For we aim to be better at what we do, what we portray

We try too hard

Too hard that we forget what it means to breathe in and out

We forget the beauty of the seasons- summer, winter, spring and autumn

We forget birds chirp,

We forget friends laugh & hug

We forget love is sweet

We keep thinking we are not yet worth it.

We push on, and on

Till we cannot push on anymore.

Don't try so hard.

It is okay not to try so hard.

We learn from our mistakes

We are lovely even with our scars.

Keep on keeping on

But do not try to measure up till we forget that we are good enough.

Take time to fail, miss the mark

Take time to cry it away, laugh it away

God gives us grace, we do not earn it.

Do not beat your self about life and everything that's life

You are lovely!

Do not try so hard.

I hope this encourages someone.

Blessings.

Meet me at the Well

I am waiting for you my dear

Waiting for you to come

To come to the place of life in its abundance

I have watched you take up rough roads,

Carry heavy burdens

Get confused at cross roads

Sometimes, you have doubted the power in you

I have called you.....come meet me...

But the conversations of life have swallowed my whisper in the wind

The louder i called unto you, the louder the music of life became

I have seen you sweat on my behalf

I have seen you moving mountains on my behalf

Child, let me be God and let you be man

So meet me at the well

Drink the living water

Where there is life in its fullness

Meet me at the well,

Jew or Gentile, Sinner or saint, man or women

I created them all.

Come meet me at the well Child

I want to carry your burden.

For I did not take in the whips at the cross,

So that you can carry the world on your head.

Let me be Your God

Meet me at the well.

Love,

God

Take it from here Lord

Oh My! Oh My!

These are those times that you wish this post had a voice over

For sometimes words needs to carry the heaviness of the heart

Words need to capture the heart

They need to go beyond the computer's screen

Connect to the reader and his heart

For out of the wellness of the heart, lies life's decisions.

We have tried so hard to get there

There are times we have gotten close to 'there'

And even when we got there, we wondered is this there?

For the heart could not find the fulfilment of there

We have to reach a point where we tell God, kindly take it from here

Take it from me Lord.

Jesus take the wheel

I cannot take it anymore

He knows best and He holds our world together

So I quit trying

Trying so hard to be my own God

To be man and to be creator at the same time

I choose to stick to my jurisdiction.

Lord, take it from here

I want to be man

So I let you be God.

I Want to Find Him Again

I want to find Him again

For I lost Him a midst this rat race of life

Between the hassles of the workplace and the crazy traffics on our roads

I need to find Him again

For I traded our quiet times with the noisy corridors of the streets

I have traded the bonding sessions with the never ending coffee dates

I have forgotten what it means to be captured by Your love

I have abandoned the sweetness of your presence with the pressures of life.

I want to find Him again

For I belonged to Him and Him alone.

For His love I cannot explain.

How did I slip away from the love of my ife

The One who loved me unconditionally

The One who never traded my quiet times with Him any day, anytime

The One who would wrap me in His arms and reassure me its going to be alright

The One who gave Himself for me on the cross

Even when He left Earth, He never left me alone

He sent me a Helper, a friend

I want to find Him again

For to Him I belong.

I want to sit in the park in His presence; so sweet, so peaceful

I want to have coffee with Him in the quietness of His presence

For does He not butter my bread and sugar my tea?

I want to hug Him every morning and evening

I want to appreciate Him more

For He never sleeps nor slumbers on me

I want to find the lover of my soul

For I am nothing without Him.

I am only like grass; my glory is like flowers in the fields

Like grass, I wither

Like a flower, I fall.

Teach me your ways O Lord

That I may find you again.

That I may walk in your knowledge

That I may dwell in Your presence

That I may know You in truth and in Spirit.

I want to find you again Lord

I am tired of being directed to You.

I want to Find You Jesus.

Where will I find You Lord?

Not a midst men!

In Your Word, in prayer, in true worship I will find You Lord.

If He Did It Before

So I came across Tye Tribbet's song If He Did It Before....Same God at a time when I was wondering Lord, is this my Red Sea?

Will My Moses part the Red Sea for me?

Can I still walk on water or will my faith be faint?

Lord, are you still the same God who depleted the Egyptians during the plague season?

But How do I relate to the manna season Lord and I know not what manna is?

How do I relate to the 10 plagues?

How do I see that the same God of David, Moses and Abraham is my God?

God reminded me that I do not have to see manna to believe there is a God.

I do not have to walk on water for me to believe that He exists.

He opened my eyes to the simplest truths..

If He did it before, He will do it again.

For it is the same God right now, the same God of the patriarchs.

The same God who carried me through Campus successfully

Is the same who shall open doors like no other right now

The same God who provides for me, He has done so for 25 years now

Is the same God who will provide my school fees

He is the same God who has set me apart to be peculiar; not of this earth

He is the same God who will give me the strength to be strong and be counted as faithful

Situations change, problems may be magnified

But He is the same God

I know He can do great and mighty things

So I will not sit down and quit

I will not look back in despair less I turn into a pillar of salt

I know my portion.

I will not give up now, I know He will come through for me.

I will face my Goliath with my little stones and a sling like David did,

My dry bones shall arise,

My storm shall be still

Hush devil hush!

Before your very own eyes,

I know He can do it again.

So be encouraged...God never lies...

We have been through worse and we did not come thus far to put a smile on the devil's face.

We are more than conquerors,

If only we believe in the greater name who is in us.

The name is Jesus.

Sweep me away

Sweep me away Lord

Sweep me away in your arms Lord where nothing else matters

For I cannot go on like this

My heart longs for Your presence

Your sweet embrace and your peace that just overflows

Sweep me away Lord

Remind me Lord of who I am in this confusion

Carry me up Lord

Just me and You Lord

Up the mountain

That I may dine with you

That I may sit with you on my Nimbus cloud

That I may shed a tear from sky, no one will ever know Lord

Carry me Lord and sweep me away Lord

For I want to drown in your love Lord

I want to swim in Your care Father

I want to bask in your glory Lord

Sweep me away Lord

Away from myself

For I am my own devil Lord

Just you and me Lord

Just you and me

Erase my unworthiness

Forget my errors Lord

Cover me with your grace

That I may be beautiful before your sight Lord

Sweep me Lord

Just me and You.

I am beautiful when I am at His Feet. :-)

21st Century Love

Love is just a word we bump into in today's world.

Love is equated to greetings.

What is love?

Friends liking each other’s status, xoxo as part of an SMS conversation

A casual I love u too is today's kind of love.

Little thought, little effort.

It is love without deeds.

Love that is like a resounding gong.

Empty and without sincerity.

We love each other, yet we watch our friends die in misery.

The same people who love you will be the first to deny you before Pontius Pilate.

We are lovers by words, yet Iscariots at heart.

Where is the love? How do we lose sight of the greatest of them all?

But what is love?

Is it the kisses, the feelings?

Is it a trend? A band wagon that I must join?

Certainly not!

God is love.

Love is kind, patient, does not envy or boast, love is not proud.

It is not rude, self-seeking or easily angered.

It does not keep a record of wrongs or delight in evil but rejoices in truth.

Love always protects, trusts, perseveres, and hopes.

Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13

Warren Barfield, in his song "Love is not a fight", said that love is a house; we enter in and commit to never leave. Love is peace in the midst of a war.

When the Teacher wrote on the ground that sins of the Adulterous woman were forgiven, that was love.

When Mary poured perfume on Jesus feet and wiped them with her hair, that was immense love.

When, arms wide open, He was nailed on the cross, when He took the pain for me. What greater love than this!

God is love. It’s about time love became real and practical.

It is about time that love went beyond words, beyond us.

I do not want the Facebook kind of love, I want to love as God intended.

For without love, I am empty of God.

Hers's to loving as Christ loved the church.

Let He Without Sin...

They brought her to Him

One they thought was filthy and deserved to die

They brought her to judgement, to condemn her

Not just to report her to the Master,

But to expose her wickedness, her nakedness before man.

For she had sinned.

She had to die.

For how else can we correct the filth?

It was only by death.

And they knew exactly what to tell the Master.

"Master" they said, "this woman was caught in the very act".

They chose the right words to condemn her

For what is just? What is justice??

Is it not to prove beyond reasonable doubt??

They knew the Law. Knew the equivalent punishment too.

She deserved to die.

She was filthy and they all knew it, even the Master did.

"Let he who is without sin be the first to throw the stone", the Master spoke

And there was silence, pin drop silence.

For what is sin? Is it not a transgression against God? Is it not to do that which does not please the Father?

And one by one, they left, troubled by their conscience.

She was left with Him

Face to face with the Judge, the King and the Father.

The Master asked her, " Where are your accusers?"

They were no where to be seen.

The Master then said: Neither do I condemn you. GO AND SIN NO MORE.

These were the powerful words of the Master, our Creator.

Words of hope and of healing to the soul

Words of reassurance that no one is ever too deep rooted in sin for His love

Nobody is ever to filthy to start all over again

For Christ came to bring life everlasting that we may share in His kinship in the life thereafter.

DnG recently gave his life back to Christ, and the media had a lot to say about that. Read more...

Less than 15 hours ago, Size 8 announced that she had quit the secular world. Read more...

The reactions are no different from what the adulterous woman in John 8: 1-12 experienced

It is even shocking that as Christians, instead of rejoicing for that one lost sheep that has come back to the fold,

Our words, our reactions injure the sheep until all it can do is to see Canaan but never actually get there

But one may ask, is Gospel music not the trend right now?? Aren't artistes in it for the money?

Friends, I take you back to the words of Jesus, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone..."

Any one confident enough to do that??

Size 8 is on trial, DnG has been on trial...

Just like the adulterous woman, we have all been on trial

However, the trial is sweetest, when we are the accusers.

Friends, it is not for us to judge.

"For all have sinned," the Bible records.

Ours is to spread the Gospel story to all corners of the world

To let Christ be know in our faith, in our acts and in our words.

Let Christ be the judge

But let us be sheltering trees to the sheep in our fold,

Whether they are young sheep, or old sheep

Whether they are black sheep or white sheep

Whether they know they are in the fold or not

Let us be the salt and the light of this world

Let the devil not deceive you to remove the focus from God to ourselves.

Judge not that ye may not be judged.

Amen and Amen.

Take time to love

Life as it is

Life as it is, is not like the pages of a novel

Nothing like the passing seconds of a movie

Life as it is, is a strange one to demystify.

As a mother wails in pain in labour,

Another wails to God every night for the fruit of her womb

As one breaks records at the Olympics,

Another pulls the cart, sweating up the hill, trying to put the same meal on the table

As one rejoices over the beauty of love,

Another, somewhere, takes his life because of the same love

As much as we would love to understand life,

Life is a mystery to the living and to the dead

To everything there is a reason records Solomon, whose wisdom we cannot contest

Although sometimes I wonder whether to some its just one prolonged season...

Is life about time and chance as Solomon perceived?

Well, I do not know.

I do not know why you are where you are in life

Why your seasons are longer and frustrating

Why you seem to be experiencing extreme winter and rarely does the sun shine and give you a chance to flaunt your sun dress or your beach shorts!

But I do know 3 things:

1. God is not man that He should lie
2. The race is not for the swift or the battle for the strong. Eccl. 9:11
3. There is time for everything under the sun

With that friends, work hard, pray honestly, tithe faithfully, faithfully keep the 10 commandments and get some good sleep.

For life as it is, is to live by faith.

Live by faith this week friends. All we need is a mustard seed kind of faith. Faith is letting God be the driver of your life. For God knows best what is best for us.

When will the sun shine?

It is exactly one month one day since I last sat down to type my thoughts here

A time of mixed emotions

Few times of happy moments

Alot of pain and heart ache

Wondering will the sun ever shine again?

Will the darkness keep thickening?

Will the tears ever dry?

Will the sun ever shine in the east?

Will the dusk never fall??

Will it??

Today my cousin would have walked down the aisle with the love of her love Wachira

Hadn't the Lord not called him to rest four months ago?!!!

We are enveloped in sadness

Taken aback in disbelief

Wrapped in sorrow

Marked by sadness

Torn in despair

Will the sun ever shine??

Will this season tire of the darkness

And for just one moment

Lord, could we have a little sunshine in our hearts Lord!

This I pray,

Amen.

Ps: This is not written out of lack of faith. Joy comes in the morning and I believe one day it will. This, like David, is the outcry of my heart! I am fixing my eyes unto Jesus, for He bottles my tears....I know He does.

Time Out!

Times up!!!

I need a time out

A time away from me

A time away from the rat race

Away from the competition of who is the bigger rat, perhaps the fatter one too.

I need the referree to sound the whistle

Half-time people!!! Half-time

Time out from the game of life

Time out from being a mother, a sister, a helper

Time out!!!

I wish there was a substitute

One to take over when I could not go on any more

One to stand in my shoes

One to keep the ball rolling while I catch some breath

While I rest my soul

Re-energize my body

Time out for me!

For the Lord has called me out of my sin

Jesus blew the whistle at the cross when He shed the blood for me

Undeserved but loved

Sinful yet redeemed

Forgotten yet remembered

Because my Lord called a time out!!

A time out on my life

For my life match was doomed

Doomed to hell

But He found it fit to blow the whistle

I stand a winner, because He is

For when He blew the whistle

For when God said: Time out!

I ceased, He became

Everyone requires a time out

A time away from selfish living

A time away from ourselves

For salvation is putting your greed away

Taking up the cost of discipleship

Living as per God's will

The match maybe yours

But God is still the referee.

TIME OUT! Do not be caught off guard when the groom comes for His church

Be found at His presence, doing kingdom business.

Mark 8:36 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world and lose his own soul?