It's a Crippled Heart

One thing you cannot hide is a crippled heart. When you are crippled inside, it is hard to feign a smile, and  casually reply the famous " I'm fine" to every hello that you come across. It is very hard, well for me, to dress up, doll up and pretend that all is well. To double tap posts and ignore the pain, to pick calls and pretend to be in a whole different world.

A crippled heart, is a pained heart. But pain's like water, I read somewhere.  It must find a way to push through any seal. There's no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface.

That's just how the heart deals with pain.

The kind of pain that lips whisper words to plead with heaven for healing

The sort of pain that makes one wail in pain

The sort of pain that embraces ones hurt, the ones we love to call bear hugs

The sort of pain that causes one to curl up and snuggle in ones misery

Too careful to let anyone in

Lest we expose the wound to the wind

And who loves double pain!

Sadly, that is the pain I feel.

Heaven knows I need a kiss!

A kiss so warm, so rich

A reassurance and a ray of hope

I need the voice of heaven, of God

That in my weakness, He makes me strong

That in my pain, I can soak in His love

That with my tears, He can kiss me with joy

Joy that cometh in the morning

That in quietness and trust, I shall find faith

That in my doubt, He shall hold my hand to walk on water

Is there anything too hard for my Lord?

Where does my help come from?

So allow me to soak, and soak till I can soak no more

I need to allow myself to go through the process

Does He not bottle my tears? Are they in vain?

When my prayers are dry, shall I not anchor my soul in His promises?

Shall I not find strength in His promises?

Peace Be Still. Peace Be Still oh my soul.

The Lord shall fight for me, for me!

He shall comfort me!

He shall quieten my storm

He shall take my crippled heart and by His love restore my soul

How else shall I remember His goodness?

Through my pain, I see God

I will not be scared of my pain

I will not be scared to let it out in tears

I will not be scared to sit in silence

I will not be scared to say I believe in the same God who brings joy and the same who delays the same

For He is God. He is God. He is God.

I am me.

His child, at His feet.

Till he speaks, I shall be at His feet.

But at least He knows it hurts a lot!

If He Did It Before

So I came across Tye Tribbet's song If He Did It Before....Same God at a time when I was wondering Lord, is this my Red Sea?

Will My Moses part the Red Sea for me?

Can I still walk on water or will my faith be faint?

Lord, are you still the same God who depleted the Egyptians during the plague season?

But How do I relate to the manna season Lord and I know not what manna is?

How do I relate to the 10 plagues?

How do I see that the same God of David, Moses and Abraham is my God?

God reminded me that I do not have to see manna to believe there is a God.

I do not have to walk on water for me to believe that He exists.

He opened my eyes to the simplest truths..

If He did it before, He will do it again.

For it is the same God right now, the same God of the patriarchs.

The same God who carried me through Campus successfully

Is the same who shall open doors like no other right now

The same God who provides for me, He has done so for 25 years now

Is the same God who will provide my school fees

He is the same God who has set me apart to be peculiar; not of this earth

He is the same God who will give me the strength to be strong and be counted as faithful

Situations change, problems may be magnified

But He is the same God

I know He can do great and mighty things

So I will not sit down and quit

I will not look back in despair less I turn into a pillar of salt

I know my portion.

I will not give up now, I know He will come through for me.

I will face my Goliath with my little stones and a sling like David did,

My dry bones shall arise,

My storm shall be still

Hush devil hush!

Before your very own eyes,

I know He can do it again.

So be encouraged...God never lies...

We have been through worse and we did not come thus far to put a smile on the devil's face.

We are more than conquerors,

If only we believe in the greater name who is in us.

The name is Jesus.

When will the sun shine?

It is exactly one month one day since I last sat down to type my thoughts here

A time of mixed emotions

Few times of happy moments

Alot of pain and heart ache

Wondering will the sun ever shine again?

Will the darkness keep thickening?

Will the tears ever dry?

Will the sun ever shine in the east?

Will the dusk never fall??

Will it??

Today my cousin would have walked down the aisle with the love of her love Wachira

Hadn't the Lord not called him to rest four months ago?!!!

We are enveloped in sadness

Taken aback in disbelief

Wrapped in sorrow

Marked by sadness

Torn in despair

Will the sun ever shine??

Will this season tire of the darkness

And for just one moment

Lord, could we have a little sunshine in our hearts Lord!

This I pray,

Amen.

Ps: This is not written out of lack of faith. Joy comes in the morning and I believe one day it will. This, like David, is the outcry of my heart! I am fixing my eyes unto Jesus, for He bottles my tears....I know He does.

Give me some hope

Give me some hope

Give me some hope

Give me some hope

Push me a mile

Push me a mile

And a mile some more

Cut me some slack with all the negativity

I do not need any more attitude

Anymore hatred, hypocrisy et.al

The world is already a cold place as it is

A cruel place, that I cannot call home no more

Warm my heart

Warm my life

That I may forget the coldness outside

Give me some hope my friend

Push me a mile my mother

Give me some hope.

Home is where my heart is

Home is where I find warmth in

My friend, push me a mile

A mile in the right direction

Towards hope, love and peace.

God was always there

When I was born,He was there 

He already crafted my life even before time began

He knew I would make mistakes,

He knew sometimes I would avoid the mistakes

He knew my life would have its share of troubles but He knew He would equip me for such times

He knew some friendships would end so He created newer ones

He knew my heart would break

That is why He sent me His helper to guide me through this life

He knew when I would be born again because I am predestined

He knew my past

He knows my present

He has set my future

God has always been with me....

I just wasn't keen enough to trust Him.

In the Split of a Second

Life is just life

I mean there is no better way to define it

Life has its own course

Life has a way of shoving things onto your path

Whether you like it or not, that's life.

You can either sit on your road bump and sulk ,whine and complain

Or you can make the best out of this life's lemons

In the split of second,

Loved ones die

Relationships break

People fail exams

One loses their source of income

Families break up

Diseases attack

Hunger strikes

Name it all

Catastrophes vary for individuals

But despite all that life throws your way

You gotta learn to shove it off your road and forge on

Never tire, lest in the split of a second

A life's time worth crumbles down before your own eyes.

It's never too late.