It's a Crippled Heart

One thing you cannot hide is a crippled heart. When you are crippled inside, it is hard to feign a smile, and  casually reply the famous " I'm fine" to every hello that you come across. It is very hard, well for me, to dress up, doll up and pretend that all is well. To double tap posts and ignore the pain, to pick calls and pretend to be in a whole different world.

A crippled heart, is a pained heart. But pain's like water, I read somewhere.  It must find a way to push through any seal. There's no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface.

That's just how the heart deals with pain.

The kind of pain that lips whisper words to plead with heaven for healing

The sort of pain that makes one wail in pain

The sort of pain that embraces ones hurt, the ones we love to call bear hugs

The sort of pain that causes one to curl up and snuggle in ones misery

Too careful to let anyone in

Lest we expose the wound to the wind

And who loves double pain!

Sadly, that is the pain I feel.

Heaven knows I need a kiss!

A kiss so warm, so rich

A reassurance and a ray of hope

I need the voice of heaven, of God

That in my weakness, He makes me strong

That in my pain, I can soak in His love

That with my tears, He can kiss me with joy

Joy that cometh in the morning

That in quietness and trust, I shall find faith

That in my doubt, He shall hold my hand to walk on water

Is there anything too hard for my Lord?

Where does my help come from?

So allow me to soak, and soak till I can soak no more

I need to allow myself to go through the process

Does He not bottle my tears? Are they in vain?

When my prayers are dry, shall I not anchor my soul in His promises?

Shall I not find strength in His promises?

Peace Be Still. Peace Be Still oh my soul.

The Lord shall fight for me, for me!

He shall comfort me!

He shall quieten my storm

He shall take my crippled heart and by His love restore my soul

How else shall I remember His goodness?

Through my pain, I see God

I will not be scared of my pain

I will not be scared to let it out in tears

I will not be scared to sit in silence

I will not be scared to say I believe in the same God who brings joy and the same who delays the same

For He is God. He is God. He is God.

I am me.

His child, at His feet.

Till he speaks, I shall be at His feet.

But at least He knows it hurts a lot!

Meet me at the Well

I am waiting for you my dear

Waiting for you to come

To come to the place of life in its abundance

I have watched you take up rough roads,

Carry heavy burdens

Get confused at cross roads

Sometimes, you have doubted the power in you

I have called you.....come meet me...

But the conversations of life have swallowed my whisper in the wind

The louder i called unto you, the louder the music of life became

I have seen you sweat on my behalf

I have seen you moving mountains on my behalf

Child, let me be God and let you be man

So meet me at the well

Drink the living water

Where there is life in its fullness

Meet me at the well,

Jew or Gentile, Sinner or saint, man or women

I created them all.

Come meet me at the well Child

I want to carry your burden.

For I did not take in the whips at the cross,

So that you can carry the world on your head.

Let me be Your God

Meet me at the well.

Love,

God

Take it from here Lord

Oh My! Oh My!

These are those times that you wish this post had a voice over

For sometimes words needs to carry the heaviness of the heart

Words need to capture the heart

They need to go beyond the computer's screen

Connect to the reader and his heart

For out of the wellness of the heart, lies life's decisions.

We have tried so hard to get there

There are times we have gotten close to 'there'

And even when we got there, we wondered is this there?

For the heart could not find the fulfilment of there

We have to reach a point where we tell God, kindly take it from here

Take it from me Lord.

Jesus take the wheel

I cannot take it anymore

He knows best and He holds our world together

So I quit trying

Trying so hard to be my own God

To be man and to be creator at the same time

I choose to stick to my jurisdiction.

Lord, take it from here

I want to be man

So I let you be God.

I Want to Find Him Again

I want to find Him again

For I lost Him a midst this rat race of life

Between the hassles of the workplace and the crazy traffics on our roads

I need to find Him again

For I traded our quiet times with the noisy corridors of the streets

I have traded the bonding sessions with the never ending coffee dates

I have forgotten what it means to be captured by Your love

I have abandoned the sweetness of your presence with the pressures of life.

I want to find Him again

For I belonged to Him and Him alone.

For His love I cannot explain.

How did I slip away from the love of my ife

The One who loved me unconditionally

The One who never traded my quiet times with Him any day, anytime

The One who would wrap me in His arms and reassure me its going to be alright

The One who gave Himself for me on the cross

Even when He left Earth, He never left me alone

He sent me a Helper, a friend

I want to find Him again

For to Him I belong.

I want to sit in the park in His presence; so sweet, so peaceful

I want to have coffee with Him in the quietness of His presence

For does He not butter my bread and sugar my tea?

I want to hug Him every morning and evening

I want to appreciate Him more

For He never sleeps nor slumbers on me

I want to find the lover of my soul

For I am nothing without Him.

I am only like grass; my glory is like flowers in the fields

Like grass, I wither

Like a flower, I fall.

Teach me your ways O Lord

That I may find you again.

That I may walk in your knowledge

That I may dwell in Your presence

That I may know You in truth and in Spirit.

I want to find you again Lord

I am tired of being directed to You.

I want to Find You Jesus.

Where will I find You Lord?

Not a midst men!

In Your Word, in prayer, in true worship I will find You Lord.

If He Did It Before

So I came across Tye Tribbet's song If He Did It Before....Same God at a time when I was wondering Lord, is this my Red Sea?

Will My Moses part the Red Sea for me?

Can I still walk on water or will my faith be faint?

Lord, are you still the same God who depleted the Egyptians during the plague season?

But How do I relate to the manna season Lord and I know not what manna is?

How do I relate to the 10 plagues?

How do I see that the same God of David, Moses and Abraham is my God?

God reminded me that I do not have to see manna to believe there is a God.

I do not have to walk on water for me to believe that He exists.

He opened my eyes to the simplest truths..

If He did it before, He will do it again.

For it is the same God right now, the same God of the patriarchs.

The same God who carried me through Campus successfully

Is the same who shall open doors like no other right now

The same God who provides for me, He has done so for 25 years now

Is the same God who will provide my school fees

He is the same God who has set me apart to be peculiar; not of this earth

He is the same God who will give me the strength to be strong and be counted as faithful

Situations change, problems may be magnified

But He is the same God

I know He can do great and mighty things

So I will not sit down and quit

I will not look back in despair less I turn into a pillar of salt

I know my portion.

I will not give up now, I know He will come through for me.

I will face my Goliath with my little stones and a sling like David did,

My dry bones shall arise,

My storm shall be still

Hush devil hush!

Before your very own eyes,

I know He can do it again.

So be encouraged...God never lies...

We have been through worse and we did not come thus far to put a smile on the devil's face.

We are more than conquerors,

If only we believe in the greater name who is in us.

The name is Jesus.

Life as it is

Life as it is, is not like the pages of a novel

Nothing like the passing seconds of a movie

Life as it is, is a strange one to demystify.

As a mother wails in pain in labour,

Another wails to God every night for the fruit of her womb

As one breaks records at the Olympics,

Another pulls the cart, sweating up the hill, trying to put the same meal on the table

As one rejoices over the beauty of love,

Another, somewhere, takes his life because of the same love

As much as we would love to understand life,

Life is a mystery to the living and to the dead

To everything there is a reason records Solomon, whose wisdom we cannot contest

Although sometimes I wonder whether to some its just one prolonged season...

Is life about time and chance as Solomon perceived?

Well, I do not know.

I do not know why you are where you are in life

Why your seasons are longer and frustrating

Why you seem to be experiencing extreme winter and rarely does the sun shine and give you a chance to flaunt your sun dress or your beach shorts!

But I do know 3 things:

1. God is not man that He should lie
2. The race is not for the swift or the battle for the strong. Eccl. 9:11
3. There is time for everything under the sun

With that friends, work hard, pray honestly, tithe faithfully, faithfully keep the 10 commandments and get some good sleep.

For life as it is, is to live by faith.

Live by faith this week friends. All we need is a mustard seed kind of faith. Faith is letting God be the driver of your life. For God knows best what is best for us.

When will the sun shine?

It is exactly one month one day since I last sat down to type my thoughts here

A time of mixed emotions

Few times of happy moments

Alot of pain and heart ache

Wondering will the sun ever shine again?

Will the darkness keep thickening?

Will the tears ever dry?

Will the sun ever shine in the east?

Will the dusk never fall??

Will it??

Today my cousin would have walked down the aisle with the love of her love Wachira

Hadn't the Lord not called him to rest four months ago?!!!

We are enveloped in sadness

Taken aback in disbelief

Wrapped in sorrow

Marked by sadness

Torn in despair

Will the sun ever shine??

Will this season tire of the darkness

And for just one moment

Lord, could we have a little sunshine in our hearts Lord!

This I pray,

Amen.

Ps: This is not written out of lack of faith. Joy comes in the morning and I believe one day it will. This, like David, is the outcry of my heart! I am fixing my eyes unto Jesus, for He bottles my tears....I know He does.

25! Its a Silver Jubilee :)

Oh! You guessed it right. I mark a quarter a century today, the silver year of life. Well, it depends on how much of an optimism, or not, you are when you look at life! Either way, I am a proud 25 year old lady and very proud of my age. Yes, ageing is inevitable (ha ha at 25, what will my mum say?).

In the words of James Garfield, "If wrinkles be written on our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should never grow old." My spirit feels 16, my body is 25.  

On serious matters, thus far, it has been, it is and it will keep being the Lord's doing!! I live by faith and not by sight, I do not live in ignorance or in arrogance, I do not live by the standards of the celebs of this age. I am sustained by God and of God. This life has taught me some great deals and lessons. So here are my 25s: lessons of all time. Hope they will bless, encourage and inspire someone :)

• Whose report shall I believe?? #MyGreatestLesson. Only the Lord's, the rest is grapevine people.
• No matter what, family is family, whether they disappoint or they live up to your expectation. They can never be traded!
• There are battles I have to face and fight on my own, for how else will I learn?? Don't baby eagles learn the hard way??
• My life is an open book. Some pick gems from it, while others burn it up page after page.
• Remember short breaks in primary school?? Life requires you to take short breaks and just breathe, feel the sun, like an update on FaceBook and just have a hearty chit-chat. It's never that serious (courtesy of @bwangila)
• Inspiring music heals the soul, soothes the heart. You should try gospel music.....ministers to your soul.
• Lies do not end relationships! The truth usually does that. Check your Bible, the truth sets people free. Lies bind us in chains that gets us mistaken to be Canaan. You are in Egypt if you living a lie.Trust me, I have been there.
• Life takes time, I mean so far its taken me 24 years. Only God knows how long my life will take so I will make every second count.
• My health, my wealth. Take good care of your physical health. Some people are dying to have good health.
• The truth is without Photoshop!
• Always be thankful and say so!
• The days I ran around naked in the spirit are the days the devil is like "checkmate!!"
• We have to lead people to more than Sunday morning services! (still on this one Lord)
• Sometimes I am wrong, I make errors. Yes, I do and I do need to say sorry.
• I have the right to pack up and go, or better still tell you to pack up and leave. I cannot live in a suffocating relationship just because!
• I cannot do everything, there are tasks I take up, and there are some I decline and it does not make me any lesser of a person. It's just wisdom :-)
• Invest in real friendships, it is the cushion of life.
• Do not awaken love until it so desires (Yes I said it #tough)
• I am first a believer, then the rest! No debate in this.
• The good wife! my latest addiction in the list of series. Life is like a legal suite. We are always in the defense or the prosecution. We are always objecting motions, some get sustained and others get over-ruled.
• Seasons change, friendships end, bad relationships die. Just never be caught off-guard in the spirit, know the times. 
• My profession is my passion.
• Be diligent in the little.
• Know the Word, the devil knows it too you know.
• Smile when your angry! It gives the tongue a chance to rest and say the right words.

These are my 25s of all times. 24+bonus :-) 24 was great, with a few unexpected occurrences. Those around me made all the difference. Thank you to God, my family, my friends, my readers, my colleagues, my church family and everyone who took time to make 24 memorable. At 24, I found grace, love, hope, strength and passion for life.

Here's to a new year, a new season, another chance for me to do His will.

It all belongs to you Lord.

Amen :-)

A Hurt Heart :-( :-(

Wachira,  

We scroll our contact lists to give you a buzz, then we cancel the call

We send texts to your line, only to realise that the texts are permanently pending and eventually FAILED is the result we get

We write on your Facebook wall, then we realise there is never gonna be a wall-to-wall conversation

We post pics of you and wait for you to diss them

But all we have is long, loud silence.

We see you in our lives,

We dream of you,

We remember the good, old days

Just like the other day.

But it is never the same.

The pain never subsides,

The smiles never shine on our faces

The vibes are never the same

The vacuum left is larger than words could suffice.

There are days I flip through your Fb pics just to block reality and feel that you are near

That this reality is just but a dream,

I keep wishing that this is a serious prank

That one day we would joke about it

But my wishes, are horses that beggars never ride

Your kababes misses you greatly

Some things we will never understand

Its been 1 month, 11 days since you left

But the pain is fresher Wachira Waithaka

The sting of death, only we can tell of the pain

We miss you

Lord, carry us

Comfort our hearts

Cause what the devil meant for harm to be a blessing

To be a chance to value life, relationships

Above all, to realise, life of man is like that of a flower

We are planted, we nourish and someday we are uprooted

Rest well Wachira aka Bunjee. Rest well.

Comfort us dear Lord

Strengthen us

Above all redeem our hearts, save our hearts

Carry us in your arms Lord.

Heaven knows we sure need a hug

Thanks Bunjee for always being family! Wepukhulu, we baptised you :-(



*Tough times for us. Pray with us.

Remember to .....

If blog posts could speak, this post would wail word after word.

God bless,

Mkosh.

Life in my Lenses

Morning people,

April it is. We are now on the second quarter of the year 2012. Not by our strength or might, but by the grace of God that we have come thus far.

Were it not for His grace, where would we be. If you are able to read this without any effort, take a second and thank HE who watched over you day and night. He who never slumbered as we slept without doubt that we would definitely see the next day.

If you planned an activity, a hook-up, a meeting, a wedding, a birthday and lived to see its fruition, take a moment too, for some planned and ended up not seeing the dawn of such plans.

Did you escape this?

Did you come close to this, or passed by a road, and several hours later see this in the dailies?

What am I saying?

Can you breathe?

Can you eat at least one meal?

Can you see the sunrise and the sunset every day?

Can you feel the scorch of the sun?

Can you afford bus fare?

Can you load airtime on your mobile phone?

Can you tweet, Facebook?

Can you smile?

Can you walk?

Can you breathe effortlessly?

Do you have to go for chemotherapy sessions every week?

Are you nursing a wound from a tragic road accident or fire burns?

#Enough said.

Well, we still ask whether God exists. He does. For by His mercies and grace we live. By His will, our curtains may close anytime after this full stop.

Be encouraged, to count your blessings and push on.

*Inspired by Baby Malaika's story

We often take for granted, the very things that most deserve our gratitude.

Have a magnificent and gracious month!

Day One, Step One

Life is full of seasons

Even the Bible records that there is time for everything under the sun

There are seasons of summer and sunshine

That don't last a lifetime

As we need the winter seasons too

Then the spring and the autumn

Well, we need to enjoy the good the bad and the ugly

For through the rough times

We become stronger

When we are broke

We learn the value of money

Through the struggles

We learn to trust in the Most High

So my friends,

As we cruise on life's highway

Don't be afraid to take the first step into your season

For nothing happens by chance

God orders your steps through it all

So forge on with confidence

As God will be with you

Through the fire,

Through the waters,

Through the sunshine

Through the ordinary days

Trust Him

Enjoy your season

And learn all you can through it all

And you will come forth as gold!!!

Isaiah 30:15 ''In repentance and rest is your salvation,in quietness and trust is your 

strength"

My friend, baby steps into your season. While you are in it, learn all you can.God never tries out stuff. Remember God knit you together in your mother's womb, He got you child.Trust Him.

God was always there

When I was born,He was there 

He already crafted my life even before time began

He knew I would make mistakes,

He knew sometimes I would avoid the mistakes

He knew my life would have its share of troubles but He knew He would equip me for such times

He knew some friendships would end so He created newer ones

He knew my heart would break

That is why He sent me His helper to guide me through this life

He knew when I would be born again because I am predestined

He knew my past

He knows my present

He has set my future

God has always been with me....

I just wasn't keen enough to trust Him.

I Believe in You

I believe in that orphan trying to build a life for himself

I believe in that teenage girl, aware of her mistakes, trying to raise her kid alone.

I believe in that mother raising her children alone as the father is never there for them

I believe in that father who hassles taking responsibility as a mother and a father

I believe in that jua kali artisan who works hard in the hot sun to earn a living

I believe in that prostitute trying to restructure her life despite her past image

I believe in that HIV patient who has hope for each day, making every second count

I believe in that young man who is ambitious, hardworking and is seeking a purpose in his life

I believe in that man who is struggling to quit the brown bottle or the cheap liquor to find life in abundance

I believe in the new born child who is unaware of the harshness of this world.

I believe in you 

If God did not believe in you, you would not be here

Believe in yourself too.

You Can Fight On.

I look around me and I see dreams shattered, lives wasted.

Not because the people are less privileged, or less blessed or what not, 

But because somebody lost the spirit to fight on, hope vanished.

People have become content in their struggles, 

We worship our weaknesses in the name of 'don't judge me'.

We indulge in alcohol...ooh plenty of it.In fact, at this rate,more women are finding a hobby in drinking alcohol.

The same tongue that blesses...feels free to curse.

Our talk is vulgar, it is PG rated and yet we delight in it. It is the in-thing. 

We find no shame in chips funga, mpango wa kando and the likes. I mean, are we not young. Enjoying life carelessly.

Yet as old age beckons, we begin to see the brevity of life and crave for a different lifestyle....it's called maturity.

But the chains of our youth enslaves us, we have to fight the norm, resist the bottle, zip up your jeans, button your shirt young lady.

Let us pride in ourselves, and when we put our minds to it, we can let go of the bottle, sex and women.

For this too shall past.... It is not an easy road, but if you put your mind to it, focus on the prize then there will be a chance of becoming a better you.

BUT, YOU GOT TO FIGHT FLESHLY DESIRES. Nothing comes easy.....nothing.

The Year That Was!!!!

The year has come to an end.

It has had its blessings and its devils too.

The year began in tears and it ends the same way it began.

But in between, it has had its ups, its smiles, its baggage, its blessings.

The year that was has seen my heart broken, mended and cracked but not yet broken again.

I have witnessed the joy of salvation, the serenity of worship, the beauty of servanthood.

I have experienced the blessing of family and friends, and the void of them too.

I have experienced love though in turmoil, maybe the new year will bring more of love

I have travelled to Ethiopia and Amboseli...places my mind had never fathomed

In all these, I give God the glory for great things he hath taught and given me

God knew the year that was will be that way.

God bless.

In the Split of a Second

Life is just life

I mean there is no better way to define it

Life has its own course

Life has a way of shoving things onto your path

Whether you like it or not, that's life.

You can either sit on your road bump and sulk ,whine and complain

Or you can make the best out of this life's lemons

In the split of second,

Loved ones die

Relationships break

People fail exams

One loses their source of income

Families break up

Diseases attack

Hunger strikes

Name it all

Catastrophes vary for individuals

But despite all that life throws your way

You gotta learn to shove it off your road and forge on

Never tire, lest in the split of a second

A life's time worth crumbles down before your own eyes.

It's never too late.