It's a Crippled Heart

One thing you cannot hide is a crippled heart. When you are crippled inside, it is hard to feign a smile, and  casually reply the famous " I'm fine" to every hello that you come across. It is very hard, well for me, to dress up, doll up and pretend that all is well. To double tap posts and ignore the pain, to pick calls and pretend to be in a whole different world.

A crippled heart, is a pained heart. But pain's like water, I read somewhere.  It must find a way to push through any seal. There's no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface.

That's just how the heart deals with pain.

The kind of pain that lips whisper words to plead with heaven for healing

The sort of pain that makes one wail in pain

The sort of pain that embraces ones hurt, the ones we love to call bear hugs

The sort of pain that causes one to curl up and snuggle in ones misery

Too careful to let anyone in

Lest we expose the wound to the wind

And who loves double pain!

Sadly, that is the pain I feel.

Heaven knows I need a kiss!

A kiss so warm, so rich

A reassurance and a ray of hope

I need the voice of heaven, of God

That in my weakness, He makes me strong

That in my pain, I can soak in His love

That with my tears, He can kiss me with joy

Joy that cometh in the morning

That in quietness and trust, I shall find faith

That in my doubt, He shall hold my hand to walk on water

Is there anything too hard for my Lord?

Where does my help come from?

So allow me to soak, and soak till I can soak no more

I need to allow myself to go through the process

Does He not bottle my tears? Are they in vain?

When my prayers are dry, shall I not anchor my soul in His promises?

Shall I not find strength in His promises?

Peace Be Still. Peace Be Still oh my soul.

The Lord shall fight for me, for me!

He shall comfort me!

He shall quieten my storm

He shall take my crippled heart and by His love restore my soul

How else shall I remember His goodness?

Through my pain, I see God

I will not be scared of my pain

I will not be scared to let it out in tears

I will not be scared to sit in silence

I will not be scared to say I believe in the same God who brings joy and the same who delays the same

For He is God. He is God. He is God.

I am me.

His child, at His feet.

Till he speaks, I shall be at His feet.

But at least He knows it hurts a lot!

This Man Called Brian

Let me start with this Great man called Jesus

Who made this brave man called Brian

And placed him in this family

And predestined his purpose

He formed him in his mother's womb

He knew the right parents for him

He knew why he placed him as second born

He gave him a great mind

A warm character

An infectious smile

A kind heart

A tough spirit

This great man named Jesus breathed life into this brave man called Brian

He breathed Himself into Brian

Brian is the kind of person to fight on

Never giving up

Always encouraging others even when he needs more encouragement than we do

For 7 years, he has not lived a normal life

He has been on drugs, in and out of hospital

But this man called Brian, has never stopped fighting

His heart may be discouraged once in a while

Maybe he cries on his pillow at night- I would not know

But he is flesh and blood- 100% human

It is understandable to give in considering that life moves on despite our seasons

I mean he had dreams- great dreams

And sometimes it is discouraging to look back 7 years ago

However, this day...

I want to applaud this man called Brian

For when it was right to give up,  he held on

When it was time to forget God, he trusted

When it was time to rebel, he humbled himself

Glory to Glory is the path for this young man

For the greatest man Jesus holds this brave man in His arms

He fuels his heart

He calms his spirit

He revives his brain day in day out

I want to celebrate the Greatest man Jesus for it would have been worse

Thank you Jesus for only you could keep it together for Brian.

I also want to salute Brian- for your strength is admirable

Nothing happens by Chance.

God will restore all the years the locust has destroyed.

We have trampled over snakes and scorpions through Jesus

We shall walk in the land of the living Brian

God is never late, He is always on time.

I say....This man called Brian

Is like no other!

Love Me...Know Me

Dear Bev,

I walk over the earth. Searching for one to call my own

I am not in the wind my dear,

Neither am I on the streets

I am the Still voice when you are all alone

Naked and ashamed

I am the hush voice begging you to let go

I am the one who holds you tight

Searching for You

Longing for you to hear me

All i need is for you to Love me

To do so with your whole heart

To serve me, with your all life

To seek me, with your everything

To let go of the altars you have created

To forget the distance between the altar and the door

That though it tarry, it is coming

I cry out in the silence

Longing for you to give it all to me

Love me with your all

Crush the gods that have created a kingdom in your life

Call upon my Helper to fight the battles for you.

When were these battles fought by blood and sweat and won?

My Child,

Be still and know that I stand for you.

I love you,

Even before you were born

I loved you with my tears, with my sweat

With my blood, with my life

That you may live Bev

Hold on, Hold on.

I will Rise

Rock Bottom, they call it

When you hit your lowest and you would love to rise,

There seems no strength in you to rise

Rise to your dream's path

Rise to your calling and to your purpose

When all you see is a dim light ahead

And sometimes it gets pitch black

Rock bottom, i have found myself in

Jesus, I need to rise

I need to live

For what is it for me to gain the whole world and lose my soul

I have lost indeed.

Lord, i want to rise as you have risen

I need to glorify your name

To know not the end of your kingdom

No power can stand against You Lord

Lord Lift me Up

I want to testify your goodness Lord

Lift Me up Lord

I want to rise like Christ was lifted up.

I want to live beyond my human body form

Lord, I want to Rise.

I want to live in You.

Finding My Window

I hope the days come easy Lord

I hope life gets bearable

I hope when the doors keep shutting on my face

When the darkness is overwhelming

When all seems cold outside

I hope I keep walking Lord

Till I find my window Lord

Show me the comfort of Heaven Lord

Teach me the peace that surpasses human understanding

Walk with me Lord

As I trample on scorpions and snakes

As the stormy seas wage war Lord

May I find your grace with every step Lord

More than anything Father

May I find my window of hope

May I find you Lord amidst all these Father

Till then Lord

I keep walking

Till the battle ends

Till the light shines

Till I testify Lord.


*This post is an encouragement to my family. We have fought numerous battles, but we keep walking till we find our window. Jehovah sees, Jehovah knows and one day Brian shall be 100% well and have a normal life....Till Then Jesus...Till Then.

You Were There

I wonder how it felt when Peter walked on water for the first time

I wonder how it felt for Moses to address the Israelites while stammering

I wonder how it felt to see the Red Sea part

How did David feel when he faced Goliath

Did he shrink....did his heart beat faster

Did he know You were there

I wonder how it must have felt when David faced the enemies

You were there, You were there

You are there when the fight seems so hard

You are always there.

So I will stand upon the hill

Face my goliath

Because I know sovereignty has bigger plans for me

You are there in the amidst of the unclear

When things do not make sense

When I see my enemies on both sides

When my tears are my pillow

When I am between thick and thick

So I will hang on

For on the Cross you chose me

For every whip, for every tear

So I will trust you Lord

For you are always here.

When sickness thrives

When families are at the briedge of divorce

When school fees is scarce

When there is no way out

When the Devil is always here

You will always be there

When we go hungry

When we are broken Lord

Through it all,

You will always be there.

You promised Lord.

Till the end of time.

So I will hold on tight Lord.

So tight.

Amen.

Don't Try so Hard

Another day comes

And you just want to breathe

But you want to push on and shine

Shine brighter

So we keep on pushing harder and harder

For we aim to be better at what we do, what we portray

We try too hard

Too hard that we forget what it means to breathe in and out

We forget the beauty of the seasons- summer, winter, spring and autumn

We forget birds chirp,

We forget friends laugh & hug

We forget love is sweet

We keep thinking we are not yet worth it.

We push on, and on

Till we cannot push on anymore.

Don't try so hard.

It is okay not to try so hard.

We learn from our mistakes

We are lovely even with our scars.

Keep on keeping on

But do not try to measure up till we forget that we are good enough.

Take time to fail, miss the mark

Take time to cry it away, laugh it away

God gives us grace, we do not earn it.

Do not beat your self about life and everything that's life

You are lovely!

Do not try so hard.

I hope this encourages someone.

Blessings.

Meet me at the Well

I am waiting for you my dear

Waiting for you to come

To come to the place of life in its abundance

I have watched you take up rough roads,

Carry heavy burdens

Get confused at cross roads

Sometimes, you have doubted the power in you

I have called you.....come meet me...

But the conversations of life have swallowed my whisper in the wind

The louder i called unto you, the louder the music of life became

I have seen you sweat on my behalf

I have seen you moving mountains on my behalf

Child, let me be God and let you be man

So meet me at the well

Drink the living water

Where there is life in its fullness

Meet me at the well,

Jew or Gentile, Sinner or saint, man or women

I created them all.

Come meet me at the well Child

I want to carry your burden.

For I did not take in the whips at the cross,

So that you can carry the world on your head.

Let me be Your God

Meet me at the well.

Love,

God

Take it from here Lord

Oh My! Oh My!

These are those times that you wish this post had a voice over

For sometimes words needs to carry the heaviness of the heart

Words need to capture the heart

They need to go beyond the computer's screen

Connect to the reader and his heart

For out of the wellness of the heart, lies life's decisions.

We have tried so hard to get there

There are times we have gotten close to 'there'

And even when we got there, we wondered is this there?

For the heart could not find the fulfilment of there

We have to reach a point where we tell God, kindly take it from here

Take it from me Lord.

Jesus take the wheel

I cannot take it anymore

He knows best and He holds our world together

So I quit trying

Trying so hard to be my own God

To be man and to be creator at the same time

I choose to stick to my jurisdiction.

Lord, take it from here

I want to be man

So I let you be God.

I Want to Find Him Again

I want to find Him again

For I lost Him a midst this rat race of life

Between the hassles of the workplace and the crazy traffics on our roads

I need to find Him again

For I traded our quiet times with the noisy corridors of the streets

I have traded the bonding sessions with the never ending coffee dates

I have forgotten what it means to be captured by Your love

I have abandoned the sweetness of your presence with the pressures of life.

I want to find Him again

For I belonged to Him and Him alone.

For His love I cannot explain.

How did I slip away from the love of my ife

The One who loved me unconditionally

The One who never traded my quiet times with Him any day, anytime

The One who would wrap me in His arms and reassure me its going to be alright

The One who gave Himself for me on the cross

Even when He left Earth, He never left me alone

He sent me a Helper, a friend

I want to find Him again

For to Him I belong.

I want to sit in the park in His presence; so sweet, so peaceful

I want to have coffee with Him in the quietness of His presence

For does He not butter my bread and sugar my tea?

I want to hug Him every morning and evening

I want to appreciate Him more

For He never sleeps nor slumbers on me

I want to find the lover of my soul

For I am nothing without Him.

I am only like grass; my glory is like flowers in the fields

Like grass, I wither

Like a flower, I fall.

Teach me your ways O Lord

That I may find you again.

That I may walk in your knowledge

That I may dwell in Your presence

That I may know You in truth and in Spirit.

I want to find you again Lord

I am tired of being directed to You.

I want to Find You Jesus.

Where will I find You Lord?

Not a midst men!

In Your Word, in prayer, in true worship I will find You Lord.