31 May, 2015

It's a Crippled Heart

One thing you cannot hide is a crippled heart. When you are crippled inside, it is hard to feign a smile, and  casually reply the famous " I'm fine" to every hello that you come across. It is very hard, well for me, to dress up, doll up and pretend that all is well. To double tap posts and ignore the pain, to pick calls and pretend to be in a whole different world.

A crippled heart, is a pained heart. But pain's like water, I read somewhere.  It must find a way to push through any seal. There's no way to stop it. Sometimes you have to let yourself sink inside of it before you can learn how to swim to the surface.

That's just how the heart deals with pain.

The kind of pain that lips whisper words to plead with heaven for healing

The sort of pain that makes one wail in pain

The sort of pain that embraces ones hurt, the ones we love to call bear hugs

The sort of pain that causes one to curl up and snuggle in ones misery

Too careful to let anyone in

Lest we expose the wound to the wind

And who loves double pain!

Sadly, that is the pain I feel.

Heaven knows I need a kiss!

A kiss so warm, so rich

A reassurance and a ray of hope

I need the voice of heaven, of God

That in my weakness, He makes me strong

That in my pain, I can soak in His love

That with my tears, He can kiss me with joy

Joy that cometh in the morning

That in quietness and trust, I shall find faith

That in my doubt, He shall hold my hand to walk on water

Is there anything too hard for my Lord?

Where does my help come from?

So allow me to soak, and soak till I can soak no more

I need to allow myself to go through the process

Does He not bottle my tears? Are they in vain?

When my prayers are dry, shall I not anchor my soul in His promises?

Shall I not find strength in His promises?

Peace Be Still. Peace Be Still oh my soul.

The Lord shall fight for me, for me!

He shall comfort me!

He shall quieten my storm

He shall take my crippled heart and by His love restore my soul

How else shall I remember His goodness?

Through my pain, I see God

I will not be scared of my pain

I will not be scared to let it out in tears

I will not be scared to sit in silence

I will not be scared to say I believe in the same God who brings joy and the same who delays the same

For He is God. He is God. He is God.

I am me.

His child, at His feet.

Till he speaks, I shall be at His feet.

But at least He knows it hurts a lot!