16 July, 2011

Thus far I have come!!!

The 16th of July 2011

Thus far I have come

I look back to the year that began on levels below sea level

To where I am now

I am not yet at the peak of my mountain

But atleast I am not drowning

I can see where I have come from

My vision is clearer

My heart is lighter

Thus far I have come

Its Ebenezer

The devil crashed me

Swayed me right left and centre

But here I stand

Not to boast of thus far I have come

But to bless God for lifting me up

He has carried me like a baby

Fed me, clothed me

Wrapped me with love

This is not my Canaan

My land of milk and honey is nigh

I am conquering cities in His name

Lord...I thank you so much

I look back without regrets

All the pain and the tears surely do count in Your presence

I claim that which is not as if it is

Faith as small as mustard you honour

Obedience that is better than sacrifice

Fresh aroma of worship belongs to you Yahweh

I can testify that because of THE GREAT I AM

I stand to witness this day.

Taste and see that my Lord is good..

......In His own timing, He worketh things for the good of those that love Him.

Set me free

I am a fugitive


I keep running and running

I am scared of who I have become

I am wrecked, I am tattered

My life has cracks

My walls are completely destroyed

My temple lies in ruins

My temple is filthy

No room for the King

For how many men have walked over me

How many have had the pleasure of deflowering me

I let myself too loose

Nothing worthy about me

I am your rebound woman, your doormat, your pick-up girl

I am your second option

My reflection in the mirror kills me, haunts me

Sunday’s sermons crash me

Heard the pastor say that my body is the temple of God

And I looked at my cleavage, my miniskirt

My 6inch boots and I thought……no!!!!I carry no image of God.

I swam in alcohol for that gave me self worth

You see in my world self worth for a min is worth the minute of fame

For each morning I awake,

I find a stranger next to me

And it breaks me…

Well, I am running

Running away from an unworthy husband.

A husband who seems not to care

I find solace in the intern employee in my company

He is more caring, my daughter’s age, he has got the stamina

He knows how to rock my world

But each time I see my children

It breaks my heart to see their hope and faith in me

Yet I am a failed wife and mother

I have broken the sanctity of marriage, the confidence in myself and more so I have lost the intimacy with my Lord

I am caged

I am a prisoner of my own world

Well, I try so hard but not hard enough

I trash women like the plastic soda bottles we trash around

I am stuck in my dark cell room

I have done it all…..sex, greed, lust and women/men

I have had threesomes, foursome…..manysomes

I have masturbated,

I have attended orgies

I have changed the women like bedsheets

I have shuffled them like poker cards

I have defiled bodies, broken hearts

I have done it all

What have I left????any treasure???

My penis, my vagina….is like uhuru park

Public property where people do as they please

Or more so, Jevanjee Gardens; Uhuru Park is far well of class Crying faceSad smile

Well, my heart is hurtless, cold and numb

My mind is gone

My conscious is dead!!!!

I am my own prisoner

I wanna run away from me

I want to start all over again

But how???when everyone has branded me

The devil knows me by name

I want out

Out of this misery, lifelessness,hopelessness,numbness,carelessness


It is painful to be me

It is pointless attempting

For my wrecked life is like a magnet


You alone can set me free

It’s been a slow fade…a lost walk in the park

Help me see that I am covered with your fingerprints Lord

Bring out the elegance, the purity, the wisdom you set in me

I am a master-piece of God

But now I am a wrecked sketchy image of me

Lord set me free

Release me from my bondages

I want life and life in abundance

I want out of this life!!!





God is the potter and we are the clay.He is never too busy, in fact He came for people like us. The drunkards, the prostitutes, the confused, the low, the wreckless….He came for you and me. I don’t care how the devil keeps reminding you of the filth, the power in Jesus’ blood is able to make us white as snow. Remember the adulterous woman caught in the act: Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.NO ONE DID. Why??for we are all sinners. Then Christ told the woman, “Neither do I condemn you, GO AND SIN NO MORE” John 8

Here’s your chance today, in your weakness, God is your strength. Don’t try being good, that never works. We need Jesus. the name above all other names. Believe with your heart and confess with your mouth. That’s what salvation is all about.

He who has the Son, has life and he is set free!!!!That is the only way out my dear.

I found my way out of my prison, have you been freed???

Stop listening to the devil and stop running away from the truth.

Be ye separate and set free.


*I have been there and I got out…..so can you my friend.


wrong turn

With love,

Let’s go back to our first creator, our God!!!Thumbs up


Jeremy Camp expresses it well: Would you take the nails from His hands?? The depth of His grace, every sin erased…He knew His calling and fulfilled it for US ALL

*** Heart matters

love_clfk1o6tHeart matters do hurt at times

Sometimes my heart speaks in tongues

Languages I cannot decode

At times it dances to the music I cannot hear

To genres I do not like

My heart skips beats,

Such skips will kill me someday

It’s a fight I cannot resist

What do I do with this thoughts of you

What do I do with my heart’s language that some find it complex

I wish there was a school for the language of love

If the wizards can have a school<well, Harry Potter messed up my reality world>

Then the language of the heart should have been researched upon, should have had a curriculum

But the most complex language has no manual

My heart would love to….

To dance with his heart…

To listen to his heart..

To lay by your heart

What would his heart do when my heart sought his

Does he recognize it’s a hunger, a craving that only him can feel

I’d love you to need me

To have you all the time

To talk to you

To stand by your side

To be one with you

I would love to…

And so much more

But, the music playing is in my world only

The genre is not his heart’s liking

Heart matters hurt.

Somebody once told me…."you are an awesome woman but I am afraid to hurt you"

So I keep dancing to my own tune

May be his heart will listen to the voice in the wind

Like the august rush movie

His heart needs to hear and see the orchestra playingNoteNoteNote

Above all he needs to feel the music.

When you feel it, you dance to it forever.

Maybe someday, I will be on the dance floor with you.

15 July, 2011

The experience that was

image002First and foremost this experience would not have been a reality had Jagdee not tagged me on an Africa Cancer Foundation picture and given me the link to apply for the volunteer position in this foundation. Thank you Jagdee aka Denis Mugambi (I know you’ll see this Red heart)

Africa Cancer Foundation was launched at Laico Regency on the 12th of July 2011 and I was part of this great vision of making Africa a cancer free continent and creating awareness and prevention as pertains to Cancer. The vision was conceived and eventually hatched before the whole world and now the growth begins. This is the real work to making a dream come true for cancer victors, Kenya and Africa.

This is not one of those cliché volunteers that you avail yourself due to joblessness or with the aim of buying time. I have lost 5 relatives to cancer and yet if you ambushed me in the street about cancer, I would have been clueless….blank like an unwritten page but not anymore.

Africa Cancer Foundation taught me great life lessons that made me a better woman and above all Knowledge is power….I too got empowered. I got to realize in my own personal way I will empower other people and in the process save a life……touch a soul…..comfort a heart…..strengthen somebody out there.

Cancer is real. Cancer is here. If you are not affected, you are infected. We are involved in one way or another. Did you know that most African females suffer from cervical and breast cancers while most men suffer from lung, prostrate, oesophagus etc. type of cancers. In every part of your body from head to toe, exists a type of cancer.

Cancer begins in cells, the building blocks that make up the tissues which make up the organs. Any abnormal activity in cell growth is usually attributed to cancer because when new cells are formed and old ones are not depleted, these extra cells can form masses of tissue called a growth or tumor. It is important to go for tests and screening once one discovers any unusual growths. The earlier the cancer is detected the faster it can be cured.

So where am I getting with all this??All these facts are on the net. In this “click” generation, we have information at our tips but what next????!!!! Here’s the way forward:

>> Let’s love our bodies and take good care of them. Eat well and exercise. Avoid the puff, it is not healthy. That puff will and is killing you slowly. Drop the alcohol too. Eat a lot of vegetables, fruits and drink lots of water.LOVE YOUR BODY!!!!You are your own caretaker

>> Take that step and go to the hospital when you notice abnormalities in your body and its functioning. Do not brush off any symptom, I know this is every Kenyan’s attitude. “Nothing is ever too serious” mentality is a no no attitude.

>> Research and read wide about cancer and do not sit on such knowledge. pass it on through your emails, over a coffee date, through blogs, tweet them etc.….You will be empowering somebody else and only through empowerment can Kenya realize its visions

>> Be that shoulder for that cancer victim or survivor. They need us through the chemotherapy, the radiology sessions, through the adverse side effects of the treatment, through the whole journey. You could be their strength….walk with them. Sometimes this is the only strength one needs.

>>Donate (Money) to various Cancer initiatives. There is Africa Cancer Foundation http://africacancerfoundation.org  Hope for the cancer kids  http://hope4cancerkids.org  Google them and you’ll find them. You can even offer to pay for the patients the NHIF membership subscription Ksh1920 annually.

>> Do not forget to pray for them for there is power and hope in prayer and where two or three agree on earth, so it is in heaven. Believe in prayer with them.


Thank God for his little mercies everyday and take them not for granted. Bless your God when you have no medical bills or hair falling off. bless your God when you are fit to carry on with your daily living.Thank Him.

To all the cancer victors out there, I salute you all for your strength.

The most important thing in illness is never to lose heart.  ~Nikolai Lenin

I salute you Hon. Nyong’o , Tetich Sambu, Baby Alex(get well soonest), Mbugua Kamau, Doris Mayoli, Francis Kariuki, Pamela Dede, Ferdinand Mwangura among many more. I salute you all.

To all those who went to be with the Lord, you fought a good fight Aunty Mary, Aunty Lynnette, Aunty Beatrice and Uncle Herman amongst others.

I sign off in the words of Princess, a cancer victor, a young girl who speaks with so much hope and strength: “Doctors cure but God heals”


Lets kick Cancer out of Africa like we did Ebola Nerd smile

God bless and dare to be different.


We can because we care.








05 July, 2011

Wrap me Lord

I am at that corner

That dark corner in my life

When my heart is thirsting for more

My tears are flowing

My burble has burst

My corner has been my comfort zone

My world, my small home

Until the Lord exposed me

Naked I stood between who I am and who I used to be

The battle that I refused to face

Have you ever found yourself in the right battle but the wrong battlefield??

When you have to make life changing cut throat decisions

When all your life its been about the whole world and never you

Busy restructuring broken walls

But never rebuilding your own temple?

I am not satisfied with where I am

I need to push myself

I have to lose things/ people I loved to become a better woman as God intended

I know God cares

His faithfulness, wisdom, and strength I doubt not

But I am scared of the stairway

Scared of taking the first step of the journey

I am afraid of the scorn

I am afraid of the unknown

Anyone out there dancing to this tune??

Or at least nodding ones head to this beat!!!

I am scared yet I know this is the path I must take

Its been several months of fighting the battle within

Until God had this to say:

Be still Bev and know that I am God. I am the still voice in your heart. I am the banner over your head. I hold your world in mine hands. Draw close my dear, closer than before. Closer than you have ever been. I will wrap you in my arms and you’ll come forth as gold. Pure gold Bev. Trust my wisdom through this times….Let the world scorn you, let them be separate from you…let them run…for in your solitude, you are not alone. I abide in You. Hold me close my child, and I will reveal the secrets that only kings search out.


So lord, this is my prayer …..Take me to that secret place. the places I have never been and wrap me in your arms lord…Hold me in your arms..kiss me in your arms….soothe me in your arms Lord…guide me in your arms…speak to me on your laps Lord….wrap me to the place of shelter and safety Lord….wrap me in your arms Father.

For there’s nothing as your presence Lord!!!

There are times you have to risk all it takes….the shame, pain, friends etc. to see the King. I am risking all these by following your wisdom Lord. It may not make sense to many now, but someday it will.

Wrap me in your arms Lord and never let me go Father. RainbowYou are my rainbow Daddy.

Worship that takes you to that place